The Root of Our Problems – Loneliness is not just an emotional experience for us individually. It is a global crisis! People are feeling more alone and disconnected than ever. This is contrary to the belief that technology and social media are keeping us connected. With all that is currently impacting our world from climate change to political unrest, people are suffering and dealing with these uncertainties compounded by the stresses associated with limited access to resources and economic hardships.
One of the biggest concerns we are facing today is disconnection from ourselves, each other, and the world around us. Disconnection is seen as the source of many of our struggles, mental health, toxic relationships, and societal divisions. We are lacking meaningful connection and drowning in social and emotional isolation. This disconnection creates cycles of fear, comparison, and avoidance, all of which are deeply rooted in our toxic thinking patterns.
As UN Secretary General António Guterres and US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy have both emphasized, building a world that prioritizes emotional resilience and social bonds is essential—not just for mental health but for creating a thriving, connected society. Research shows that strengthening our relationships and reimagining human connection can pave the way for healing and growth, especially when it includes addressing the root causes of disconnection like traumatic childhood experiences and systemic inequalities.
While I do agree that these issues and variables are important and need to be addressed. I am challenging the ideas of what people have been identifying as the root problem. Yes, disconnection, traumas, and inequalities are all very real and important factors, but at the foundation of all these issues is a culprit that needs to be held accountable. That is toxic thinking!
If we can acknowledge the power and influence that toxic thinking has had on exacerbating the problems that we have been facing, both individually and collectively, I believe we can truly liberate ourselves from the pains that have been overwhelming us for so long.
Toxic Thinking is at the Root of Disconnection
Let’s explore the argument that toxic thinking is at the root of disconnection, as it is such a prevalent and concerning affliction to the human condition today. This is how toxic thinking drives disconnection and disconnection is a symptom of toxic thinking:
1. Disconnection from Ourselves
When toxic thoughts invade our minds and take over, they saturate our thoughts with ones that invalidate our sense of self, our worth, and confidence to be ourselves. Always making us feel less than and not good enough. How many of you right now can honestly say that you feel like yourself? I talk to people every day as a therapist, and what I hear most is “I don’t even know who I am anymore.” Whether this is from a parent, a workaholic, or a teen. I can tell you the list goes on…these feelings do not discriminate based on demographic. It is a prevalent human problem. Toxic thinking alienates us from our own potential and life satisfaction.
2. Disconnection from Others
Toxic thinking also poisons our relationships and interferes with our human instinct to reach out during duress. Many of the first responders I work with had internalized the toxic belief that “asking for help is a sign of weakness.” This mindset, rooted in the previous traditional cultural norms and expectations, has led to burnout, strained relationships, unspoken struggles, and increased rates of suicide. By recognizing and challenging this thought over the past few years, many have found the courage to seek support, have been strengthening their connections with loved ones and peers, and combating the statistics of divorce and suicide. Toxic thinking isolates us by creating perceived barriers and where bridges should be.
3. Disconnection from the World
On a larger scale, toxic thinking has created a sense of detachment from our humanity because of feelings of purposelessness and even hopelessness. The global problems seem too big or too far. Too immense for just me to make a difference. Connected to our diminished self-worth, we can’t possible conceive that “what I do matters or will ever make a difference.” This belief detaches us from the bigger picture, leaving us apathetic and disengaged. We no longer think of ourselves as belonging to a world or humanity, rather turning our attention simply towards ourselves. Imagine with so many of us doing this, we have fed the notion of being in a selfish world.
Disconnection has taken center stage as the prevailing problem weighing us down. While it is true that it is a real problem, it is not the source, but rather a symptom of a more insidious rider that isolates us, leaving us untethered. Our own toxic thoughts!
Toxic thinking is a silent saboteur and has gone undetected for far too long. That is why I am bringing it into the light, so we can begin to see it for what it is and the harm it has caused. We can take our power back and stop toxic thoughts from distorting our perceptions, sowing the seeds of disconnection, and keeping us trapped in cycles of fear, self-doubt, and avoidance.
Who is ready to address the real root of our problems?
This article was written by and reprinted with permission from Sajel Bellon, Ed.D, RP.
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